Life Gives Us Many Chances to Start Over Again, Like a Cat With Nine Lives

It has been almost a month since I made an entry on this site but I have not forgotten my passion. This past month has been incredibly busy for me. It started with two days of hospitalization followed by four weeks of bed rest for my husband. He's fine now and back at work.

For several years now I've been transitioning out of the mortgage field to pursue writing and personal life coaching. I have not severed the ties I made and this month I accepted a three month assignment with a local mortgage office. I had also signed several writing contracts for projects due in April and pursued four one day jobs. When I was inquiring about all of this, I did not know my husband would get sick or that all the jobs would come through at the same time. Somehow I made it, but unfortunately this site was one of the things I did not have time for. I know that May is going to be a much better month for me.

One of the most exciting things I've done in the past few years is meet other authors and individuals who share my passion for eliminating abuse. Most of these I've met through on line writing support groups. I've talked to many individuals with similiar abuse experiences as mine, which makes me even more committed to my purpose. But many individuals can not write about their lives for one reason or another. One person I've met, Lacresha Hayes, shares her personal experiences in "The Rape of Innocence." An excellent book, it is available on Amazon and in major book stores.

Attached is an excerpt from her book:

"Molestation happens across cultural lines. It happens across racial lines. It isn't based upon intelligence. It isn't based upon financial health. It may seem to happen more in poverty-stricken communities, but I can assure you that most of it just goes unreported.

I found out the hard way that molestation isn't just a black thing or a poor thing. It is a perversion thing. It happens to God's called and chosen people, and it happens to the average Jane Doe in an average home. God has created each of us with purpose. I don't believe the enemy would waste his time tempting people to molest or rape a person who has no destiny and no call upon their life. Because of the very nature of the crime, it can be nothing less than a device of the enemy, one of his strongest weapons.

Someone reading this book may think that they have never been molested when indeed they have been. A molester is a molester long before he touches his first victim. He is first guilty in his thoughts. Some men never actually touch their victims. They just think and fantasize about touching. They rent the videos of children with adults engaging in sex acts. Some molesters do it with the words of their mouths. They talk filth to children. They take advantage of their positions in those children's lives. They open a door that should not be opened by planting filthy word images in young minds. Some of you haven't actually been touched, but you have been molested.

That family reunion opened my eyes to a lot of things. Because of that repressed memory, this book exists. God had to allow a series of events to happen to make me go back and deal with my past. This testimony was freed while I was in jail. I was arreted in August 2005 for old fines and failure to appear warrants. While I was in jail, God kept bringing the memory of what my great grandfather had done back to my mind. It seemed to torment me. It had been two years since I first remembered and here it was, still cropping up.

One night as I was praying, God spoke to me in a whisper and told me that I would be in jail until I learned obedience. He would never specifically tell me what I needed to do because I already knew. I was in jail for 44 days, skirting the issue, hitting and missing at what He wanted from me. Finally, I put pencil to paper and began to write. With every paragraph I was stopping and crying. It was dreadful! I didn't feel prepared for the suffering!"

This week someone emailed me information on a site which lists sexual offenders by zip code.
I entered my zip code in St. Peters, MO and discovered there are 188 offenders living within 5 miles of me.
As I continue to research abuse, I continue to be horrified. The address for the site is:
http://www.familywatchdog.us

Their information is obtained from court records and is continually updated. When you enter your zip code a map pops up. It is color coded by: offenses against children, rape, sexual battery, and other offenses.
It even lets you know if this is a home or work address. The majority of the 188 offenders living in my area were offenses against children. When you click on a specific address, the name of the offender is shown, along with their criminal history and picture if available.

The site has lots of information. You can sign up to be notified when a sexual predator moves to your area.
Also alarming were the statistics on this site. 1 out of 5 girls and 1 out of 6 boys will be molested before they reach age 18. 90% of the time the assault will be by someone they knew.
The average predator assaults 117 times before getting caught. Why is that????

I am finding that sometimes the numbers vary slightly depending upon the source. Even taking into consideration a margin of error, the above numbers are too high. Though this may not be a popular topic, I feel stronger than ever about the need to speak out and create more awareness about abuse. My first book is not even published yet but I have the idea for my second one. Please pray with me that God will open the doors.

Aristotle believed that logic explained how things in the world related to one another. He used logic to figure out good and evil. He believed that ethics was mostly a matter of good training, that people usually know the proper way to behave, and they just have to be morally strong enough to do the right thing. He said that being a good person amounted to having the inclination to do what was right, and he felt this inclination could be bred into us.

Perhaps it is too late to reach adult offenders. Maybe we need to put more emphasis on our children.
Not just teaching them to say no to strangers and what sex is but what to do if they are abused.
If the average predator assaults 117 times before getting caught, their victims are not talking.
Somehow we need to teach children that abuse is not acceptable. We need to find a different way to deal with those who are abused so they do not grow up to become abusers. This is what is happening now.

Some experts believe that teens are abused by their significant other more often than adults are. By the time you finish reading this, someone else in the U.S. will be abused. Dating violence occurs with one of four teens. It is not always the person you suspect. The abuser can be male or female, and the best student in the school. It is very difficult for this age group to ask for help.
    Abuse in teens can be physical, emotional or sexual. Only about 9.2% of people seek help after a physical assault.  They do say once the problem is exposed they would have  talked to someone if  the opportunity had  been available.  Teachers say  sometimes students  walk up and down in front of a  classroom, as if waiting for the right opportunity. So many people do not want to get involved when they suspect abuse, but with teenagers  it is critical to do that.
     The teenage years can be difficult for teens and their parents. When there is a problem the students behavior usually starts to change. Their grades may drop, they appear to lose interest in everything, they act nervous or anxious and are frequently in contact with the abuser. In todays hi tech world it is easier for the abuser to control their victims. They send unlimited text messages and track their victims with GPS devices. Parents and teachers need to be more aware of this behavior. If you suspect something, ask questions. It would be better to make someone mad or lose a friend than to lose a life.
    Just like adults, control and anger, are the two emotions most likely to surface. The person that always has to check in with someone and can never make their own decisions is probably being controlled. Teens also cover their bruises and cuts with long sleeves and makeup just as adults do. If we could put more emphasis on teen abuse perhaps we could stop the behavior then.  If not stopped, the abuser grow ups and continues to abuse others.
     Educators say that education begins in the home. I agree with that. But what happens when the parents are violent and abusive? Children see this and repeat the behavior. It would be hard for a violent parent to teach their children to be non-violent. So, perhaps it is time for churches and schools to become more involved.  Along with sex education and Bible study perhaps we need to include classes on how to be kind to each other - appropriate ways to handle anger and  human relation skills. What do you think?
    The figures in this blog were taken from an article written by Sarah Newell and published in the  Hickory Daily Record.

A disturbing study will be released this year in Australia. It was conducted by Monash University. Involved in the study were 102 women from abusive relationships and 102 women with no history of abuse (control group). There have been numerous studies of domestic violence, child abuse and animal abuse. This research documented the connection between these three forms of abuse and was the first of its kind in that country.
53% of the women in violent relationships reported their pets had also been abused. Only 6% of women in the control group stated their pets had been harmed, and in most cases the harm was accidental. 33% of the women stated they delayd leaving the violent relationship out of concern for the safety of their pets. Their fears are understandable as 17% of the households with domestic violence reported their pets had actually been killed. Whereas no pets were killed in the control group.
Some of the examples cited were a bird that had its head cut off for singing too much and a cat that was put in a microwave oven. The abuse and murder included all types of animals including fish, birds and farm animals. Previous research shows that many murderers and hard criminals have histories of animal abuse. Perhaps it is time for us to take a closer look at those in our society who abuse innocent and helpless animals.
What was also disturbing about this study is that 29% of the animal abuse cases were witnessed by the children in the family. Past studies indicate that children who witness abusive acts are more likely to become abusers. This makes me question if we have done enough to punish or help children from families when there is documented evidence they are abusive toward animals. What do you think?
The info about this study was taken from an article written by Caroline Marcus and Melissa Kent. It was published on theage.com.au. I do not claim to be an expert but I do think the link between these 3 types of abuse is not limited to Australia.

Violence against men is a taboo subject, yet studies indicate that one out of every six men is abused by their female partners. The statistics for women is one out of every four. It is very difficult for men to admit being abused by a female. But when they do admit it, they are not taken seriously. There is little public help or support for male victims. Yet the effects on a male are just as devastating as they are for a female victim. The main difference seems to be that women are more likely to be killed by an abusive partner. Perhaps if more women killed their partners, there would be more recongnition that abuse is not restricted to gender.
Men report that abusive women claw, kick, spit, punch and frequently attack with cooking utensils and cleaning equipment. They also engage in verbal and emotional assaults. The relationship is characterized by manipulation, control and guilt. Many times both partners are violent with each other. Drugs and alcohol frequently make the problem worse. Often the abusive behavior happens in front of the children. Unfortunately, they too are sometimes abused. Women who abuse usualy love their partners but they just do not know how to have a nonviolent relationship. When they do seek help, usually they admit to being abused themselves as a child.
The only way that domestic violence will end is if enough attention is directed toward the problem and we decide this behavior will not be tolerated. I know it is not always that simple. Sometimes mental or emotional illnes is the cause. Or alcohol and drug addictions need to be addressed. Adults, male and female, need to stop abusing each other. Parents need to be more aware of violent behavior in their children. Kids need to be taught appropriate ways to express their anger and negative impulses. If children are allowed to abuse their siblings and classmates, they grow up thinking this is normal, as adults they will likely abuse their partners.
The cycle of abuse can be broken. There are programs and professionals that can help. Domestic violence is a choice. We have to get rid of all the excuses like "he made me do it" and take responsibility for our own behavior. Children that were abused hated the abuse. Why do they then grow up and do the same things to their own children? Because you were misteated is not an excuse to mistreat someone else. As adults you can chose your partners. But children do not get to pick their parents. They have the right to be born into and rasied in a peaceful, loving home. There is no excuse for child abuse. Couples with violent relationships probably should not have children. That might be one way to end the cycle of abuse.
The figures and content of this blog were taken from an article written by Rhiannon Harries and published in the Independent in the United Kingdom. The story was built around a real person, Johnny K. I do not claim to be an expert. But I do know from my reading that abuse effects many countries. The figures in this article may not agree with figures in the USA. My purpose is simply to create more awareness about abuse.

Sibling abuse is the physical, emotional or sexual abuse of one sibling by another. The physical abuse can range from relatively mild forms of aggression occurring between siblings, such as pushing and shoving, to extremely violent behavior such as the use of weapons.
Research shows that violence between sibling is quite common. In fact, it is probably even more common than child abuse (by parents) or spouse abuse. The most violent member of American families are children. It has been estimated that three children in 100 are dangerously violent toward a brother or sister.
I was very surprised to learn this. I wasn't surprised that children can be violent but at how many children are violent.
We often hear about domestic violence but probably most of us assume that is spousal abuse.
And we hear of child abuse which is typically done by someone older than the child, usually the parent.
If Sibling Abuse occurs in every 3 out of 100 children, why have we not heard more about this?
I am a survivor of sibling abuse. As I've told my story, I have learned there are others like me. I do not claim to be an expert. My goal is simply to make others more aware of abuse issues.
I would like for you to briefly share your story with me. In particular, did you think your siblings behavior toward you was normal or did you think it was abuse?
The information and numbers in this blog were based on an article by Kyla Boyse. It was reviewed and approved by the faculty and staff at the University of Michigan.

Today I entered "Mad Cow" in Google. I watched the video of cows being mistreated, by the company that has just announced the largest beef recall ever.  From there, I was directed to the hsus.org (humane society) where I watched and listed to other stories of animal abuse. I was horrified that so many companies and individuals are driven by profit to the point they willingly and viciously violate the animals in their care. The employees that abused the cows were charged with animal cruelty while the company continues to operate. What is even more alarming is that they distribute their products to schools, federal nutrition programs, and senior centers -  putting our most vulnerable citizens at risk for E coli and mad cow disease. What do you think's the solution  to animal abuse?

One day this week, I watched the Oprah Show. Suze Orman was her guest. The theme of the show was built around a woman whose husband had abused her for years. Three months before he committed suicide, leaving her with tons of debt, no money and young children to feed, he cancelled a $300,000 life insurance policy on his life. She had stayed with him for the typical reasons that most women stay with abusive partners. One of her mistakes was not knowing anything at all about their finances. The life insurance proceeds would have allowed her to maintain her current life style. Cancelling the policy was an abusive act. Abusuive men often kill their wives when they try to leave because they don't want anyone else to have them. In this situation the abuser killed himself but he decided that she would not get any of his money. Afterall, she might just get her life together and find someone who did not abuse her. Even in death he was controlling her.
Years ago I was a life insurance agent. Many people do not realize there is always an owner on the policy. The owner has control. Typically the owner is the one who pays the premium. But I recommend that women make themselves the owners of their partners policy. That way if they divorce or anything else happens, she keeps the policy. Many times when there is a divorce and money is tight, life insurance is allowed to lapse. Women with children are especially vulnerable. In my generation we were taught that husbands take care of their wives. Personally, I think that some men have not done a very good job of this and it is now time for women to learn how to take care of themselves.

Yesterday my sister-in-law was riding in the car with a friend.
They stopped at a light and she happened to look over at the car beside her.
A woman jumped out of the front seat and hopped into the back.
She then unstrapped a car seat, picked it up, and started to shake it violently.
My sister-in-law was outraged. As the light turned green she immediately dialed 911.
They followed the car until a policeman came.  He pulled the other car over.
A police report was made of the incident. I do not know the outcome but
I applauded  my sister-in-law for what she did.
So many times we see abuse but don't want to interfere.
If more people would get involved the cases of abuse would decline.